Utterly down,
blue;
the pigment of the sky,
only deeper,
like a rainstorm gray.
Falling,
like the quarter the little Italian child
dropped from Pisa;
it landed five meters away.
Drowning,
in sad-colored garments,
hues of
emotions melded in cast-iron,
forming a sculpture
of deformity,
knocked off a table,
broken,
shattered
beyond repair;
dead
—and finally beautiful.
This is a original poem called “11-7-11”. On November 7th of last year, I wrote this poem the morning I got to school. My boyfriend of the time had created a lot of doubt and hurt in my heart, and I was feeling very insecure and very depressed. I remember thinking that it would be nice for someone to look past all the insecurity and see something beautiful in me regardless. Sad, scared, and hopeful, I showed this poem to my boyfriend, hoping he would hear the pain, and be there for me, but he hadn’t heard it, and he wasn’t there. The rest of the day was spent with me lost in my thoughts.
So I want to share this song, “Chasing Pavements” by Adele because I feel that this song can show exactly what I’m feeling lately. I don’t know if you know, but this year is my final year in high school. Try as I might not to be, I’m scared. No matter how I try to get around it, I don’t know what I want to do with my life right now. Next fall I could be off to college, but I don’t know what I want to do or where I want to go. Do I stay in Utah? Go back to Nebraska, Missouri, or Washington? Go to New Hampshire? Or Boston? Do I persue english and creative writing or psychology? What about philosophy or American Gov’t and Politics? Maybe I should go into business—maybe music? The truth is, while I want to do so much, I don’t know what I want to do to -make- sonething of myself. What if I don’t have what it takes? The world and its expectations are changing. What if I don’t have the grit to make the cut? Should I just settle and hope I become something?
“Should I give up or should I just keep chasing pavements
—even if it leads no where?”
